A Lesson in Forgiveness.

So, even before the new year struck, I was pretty gung ho on getting started on the whole working on forgiveness thing.  I’d been spending some time with the Big Man discussing just who I needed to forgive and why.  While this is definitely not an over night miracle kind of thing, I was definitely feeling more at peace about SOME things (trust me, some things are harder to let go and take more time – I’m ok with that).

Then it happened.

The second day of this brand new year.  The day before winter break was to end and I have to go back to school.  I decide that best way to spend my time is to make cinnamon rolls to send to work with Seth and I in hopes it will help cure the first day back blues.  I realized I was short a few ingredients so I made the 3 minute trip to Wal-Mart.

What you need to know about January 2, 2012 is that it was a wickedly windy kind of day.  Like knock your breath out kind of wind.  Like probably should just stay home and forget about making cinnamon rolls kind of wind.

I got excited because there was a decently close parking spot.  No sooner had I hit the door handle to open my door, the wind took it from me and slammed into the car next to me.  Shoots.  Major shoots.  It hit so hard.  I was so sure there was going to be a mega huge dent in their car and definitely in our door.  I got out to survey the damage – nothing. PHEW.  I could not believe my luck.  So, I scurried in to Wally Land, got my ingredients, and headed back out to my car.

As I came around to my door, my heart sank.  The mirror on the other car was hanging off and just dangling in the wind.  My door must have knocked it loose and then the wind knocked it off while I was inside.  My heart sank.  I got in my car.  I’m ashamed to say my first thought was, “get the heck out of here before anyone sees that!”  Then the adult in my brain took over and said, “you know what to do.”  Now, Walmart is pretty huge and ours doesn’t have the PA system like the Walmarts of old (or at least they never use it).  I figured the next best thing would be to leave a note (tucked safely under the wiper of course to protect it from the gale force winds).  I said what had happened and then gave my name and phone number.

As I drove home, the guilt crept in.  I’d just broke someone’s car.  Someone who had two baby seats in the back of their car.  I had no clue what a new mirror would cost, but I sure bet it was at least the rest of my Christmas money.  Would they call the cops?  Should I have stayed?  When I got home, Seth was convinced we needed to go back.  My parents’ were split – 1 saying the note was fine, 1 saying we needed to go back.  After a slight emotional breakdown, we hopped in the car and headed back over together in hopes that we could just wait until they came out and then explain what happened.

Just as we were pulling up to the end of the row, the car I had broken pulled out.  A whole family – mom, dad, and two little babies were nestled in the car while their poor side mirror dangled precariously on the side.  I started waving and Seth started honking.  They didn’t seem to be noticing.  Or maybe they noticed and thought we were nuts.  Either way, I am pretty sure I jumped out of the car before Seth got it fully stopped and chased after them.  That was enough to get them to stop and roll down their window.  While my eyes started to water, I admitted “I broke your car.”  The lady (who couldn’t have been much older than me) turned to me and said, “it’s ok – it was an accident.”  Being the emotional person that I am and feeling extreme guilt, I blubbered out, “Let me know how much the repairs cost so I can help out.”  That’s when I lost it and the tears came spilling out.

And the lady said to me, “Hey.  Look at me.  It is forgiven,” and then she smiled at me.

They rolled up their window and drove away and I took a minute to go over what she had just said to me.  I had been so wracked with guilt and worry that I never thought to think that maybe they would forgive me and move on.  Especially not so quickly.  I mean, I broke their car.  How could they forgive me so quickly while I still felt so bad about it? I haven’t heard from them so I hope they were able to get it fixed and it didn’t cost them an arm and a leg.  They definitely don’t know that their mirror getting busted was, in the end, a wonderful thing to have happened to me because it taught me something else about forgiveness.

See, the funny thing about forgiveness is, sometimes you have to forgive yourself first before you can accept someone else’s forgiveness.  And sometimes the Big Guy knows just how to teach us that lesson.